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Why We Decided to Get Married

Hello interweb!

As many people have probably already stated, I can’t believe its already 2018! I say that every year, but this year has a bit more weight to it because well, Steven and I are getting hitched in about 4 months. All of last year, I could say “we still have time, it’s next year” blah blah blah. I clearly don’t have a basic understanding for how time works because while it was technically “next year” it was never 12 months away. And here we are, 4 months away and uh, there is a lot to be done.

Anywho, in an attempt to procrastinate more, I’m starting up a section with my friends from WeddingWire to document some of my experiences, some resources I’ve found helpful and everything wedding planning leading up to the big day. I hope you enjoy it because I’m likely developing an ulcer writing it.

But before we get into all the DIYs, dresses, venues etc, I figured it might be nice to share our engagement story in a 2 part series. Part one: Deciding to get married.

I’ve always been a bit of a curmudgeon when it comes to marriage. Not in a “I had my heart broken and can never love again” way. More in a “how can I possibly agree to spend the rest of my life, happily, with 1 person, I don’t even own a matching pair of socks” kind of way.  For me, it was actually really hard to imagine having a healthy, happy relationship with someone for your en-ti-re life. Let me repeat. Your. Entire. Life. I think of who I was 5 years ago, or even a year ago, and I am definitely not the same person. Like most of us, I am constantly evolving. Not sprouting a third arm to hold more pizza at once, evolving, but mentally and emotionally, evolving. Surely the person you decide to spend the rest of your life with is also evolving (maybe with a third arm to serve more cheese at a party?) And why is that so bad? Why is it so terrible if 2 people enjoy their lives together for a period of time, whether 1 year or 40, and then decide that being together all the time isn’t what they want to do anymore?

If at this point you’re like “oh shit, Steven, you better go read Sunnie’s blog post, it’s not looking good for you,” don’t worry– I’ve been rambling like this since like day 9 of dating Steven. None of this thought process was Steven specific. This has always been how I saw it.

The deciding to get married, the saying ‘yes, lets get married”… that is obviously very Steven specific..

Around 2.5 years into dating, (we were 25/26 then) was when I really starting tuning into all of the questions about when we were going to get “settle down,” “commit” or my favorite, when Steven would make an honest woman out of me (I still don’t really get what that means). Maybe Steven was getting it before that time but for me, it was around then. It really didn’t sit well with  me (as you can tell here in my blog post about why not to ask people when they are getting married). I wanted the decision to get married (if we were going to get married) to be between us (me and Steven. Not me and Internet). I had told Steven, many times earlier in our relationship, that I did not have a particular desire to get married. Not for lack of commitment or love; I told him that I planned to be with him for “a very long time” (I think those were my exact words), that I was wholly committed to him and that most importantly, that I loved him and that we were out of the good cheddar cheese. That seemed to roll well with him because Steven is the most easy going guy you’ll meet and he also enjoys cheese.  But I do remember him saying something along the lines of “you’ll come around,” and “I’ll get the cheese” And, as if you couldn’t guess, I did come around.

And he did get the cheese.

It is really hard to explain when it happened so I’ll keep it short: There was no “aha” moment. No stars in my eyes. Time did not stand still. It was gradual and very subtle, possibly because I had never made marriage a big deal so when it finally happened, it also wasn’t this huge explosion (that is not to say it wasn’t meaningful or special). It was like watching the dream pizza, the kind that only exist in my pizza-centric fairy tales, be created; it took time. (Just so we’re clear, this pizza has the perfect, crispy crust, a drool-worthy combination of melted cheeses and the most delectable toppings). I watched as it was prepared: one day, the dough was made. Then it was rested. Later, it was tossed into the perfect shape. On another occasion, the sauce was developed. Then the cheese chosen and placed. The oven fired up. I got to watch it all happen, every step taken to making this so called “dream pizza.” Was I was excited when the pizza was finally finished? Absolutely. But it was really the journey of the pizza’s creation that made me “come around”. Yes, in the end, we had to talk about if this pizza really had the makeup to be dubbed the “dream pizza”, but I already knew it was perfect because I watched the whole thing be created, step by step.

And yes, I did just metaphor my journey to the decision to get married, to a pizza being made. It is the highest form of flattery in my opinion.

So we did talk about it. If you know me and Steven, you know we aren’t extremely “romantic” so it was pretty much a logistical conversation.  Everyone’s love stories are different and are special in their own ways. For us, there was no 1 moment where we jumped up and down and hugged until we melted into a pile of mush (which for the record, I think is wonderful for everyone who does do this). Instead, it was many, many wonderful, love filled moments that culminated in our own, beautifully pragmatic, “Okay. Sounds good. Let’s get married”.

Up next: All things proposal as detailed by the man himself, Steven!

Side note: WeddingWire is also giving away $10K towards a lucky engaged couple’s wedding! To enter, upload your #Justsaidyes moment here!

Happy Tri-ing!

 

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